What's your flavour?

Vanilla or Something Delightfully More Exotic?

When it comes to sexual preferences, I honestly believe that a large proportion of people feel uncomfortable expressing their true intimate desires and preferences with their significant other. Now this may come across as a potentially controversial statement, but for those of you who don't agree, I ask this question "Are you 100 percent honest with your significant other about all of your sexual desires, fantasies, turn-on's and even the way you like it?". Didn't think so.

In a world where almost every perceived fantasy can be found portrayed in some form on the internet, just how much does this influence each individual's sexual desire?

I've often encountered individuals who've spent extremely long periods of time building up a "fetish" in their mind, to the point where they just have to experience it in the flesh. Some of them too embarrassed to disclose to their partner, others who have disclosed and its destroyed their relationship almost immediately, much to their despair. Almost all, ultimately deciding to engage a sex worker who is open to exploring their innermost fantasy in the way that they describe.

One common theme emerges amongst almost every individual I've encountered in this situation:

The perceived fear of rejection, almost always prevents honest disclosure of sexual desire!

So how do we go about engaging with our sexual partners in a positive way, to meet our everchanging desire to experience a whole spice bag of different experiences? It can be a difficult conversation to have, especially if you've kept a whole vault of fantasies in a locked trunk for three years, all the while never progressing things much further than doggie style on a Saturday night, except that one drunken quickie in the toilet at a work function when you first started dating. So if that's about as wild as you've been together, it may be fairly difficult to launch right into your fantasy of being locked in a cage watching while they devour another person for hours right in front of you.

The best advice that I can offer, is to be straight up honest right from the beginning of a relationship. And if you haven't been so far, start remedying it asap! If you watch a certain type of porn, watch it together - and if it's something you think your partner won't like, then find some aesthetically similar less abrasive porn to start watching together to gauge their interest and reaction to.

You may be pleasantly surprised to find that hidden inside your assumingly Vanilla partner, is a debauched deviate just aching for you to unlock a forbidden part of their psyche.

If your interests tend towards using certain toys or perhaps restraints or bondage style clothing, go check out some Adult Shops together, browse buy a few things and try them out. Buy new items for special occasions, spice things up with a surprise sexy gift just because, or organise nights where you'll try new things together.

Actively engage in conversations that incorporate your fantasy or parts of it, or try role playing situations if they're eager to engage. I can't stress enough that if you happen to have an eager partner, please don't deflate their ego by jesting their enthusiasm - eager partners are willing and trainable, deflated and embarrassed partners will put up a 10ft wall and never let you get over it.

The important thing to remember is that people fear what they don't know or don't have experience with, especially when it comes to sexual activities.

If you move forward with pressuring someone to engage in something they're completely uncomfortable with, they will likely completely close off from the idea of anything outside their comfort zone immediately. Remember that this is a two way street, so whilst you have your preferences and fantasies your partner is likely to have some of their own. Encourage them to be comfortable expressing these with you also, and when they do, accept and try them out together.

You're not going to love everything that your partner loves! (well maybe, just maybe, its possible...)

Just don't expect that you'll both be on exactly the same page from day 1. Having a relationship where you can be honest and vulnerable with your innermost desires takes time, effort and understanding on both parts - especially if one or both of you are into more unconventional fetishes.

But if you can carefully and considerately, navigate your way through each of your desires and kinks, you will find that in time you will enjoy a wildly exciting sex life together. One of the greatest pleasures in life, is to be able to openly enjoy all manner of desirable activities with a trusted sexual partner, pleasure is given not taken. Being able to give equally to each other will arouse each of you more than imaginable, leading to truly spectacular fulfilment.

And LOTS and LOTS of Orgasms!!

Enjoy exploring, Jaime x